Embracing Uncertainty

Each of us deals with uncertainty differently.

I’m currently in another life transformation stage where I am following my heart in all things to see where it leads me.  I’ve started to notice a pattern in my life that when I follow my heart, the most amazing things happen for me. 

We have been conditioned and taught that you have to have a goal and work every day towards that goal.  But what I have found for myself is that sometimes the universe has completely different plans for you. 

In August 2023 I had a plan.  I signed up for a nine-month spiritual psychology program to utilize new tools in my coaching, I was going to utilize my new E.Q. certification in my non-profit role to gain coaching hours for my ICF accreditation and I had signed up as a learning community leader in another program to expand my conscious community.  I had a solid 18 month plan to build my skill-set and community. 

One by one, each plan I had made somehow disintegrated all within 2 months.  First the spiritual psychology program was cancelled not to be rescheduled, then there was some mix-up in my signing up as a learning community leader which didn’t come to fruition, and then the non-profit I was working for changed leadership and it was no longer the right fit for me. 

I was SO Mad! How did all this planning and excitement about all I was looking forward to, come to a crashing halt?!  On top of it, my 40 year old pine tree in my backyard that gives me such joy had started dying in August and by October it was completely dead no matter what I did (although we did have the hottest summer on record in Phoenix which didn’t help).  For those who can relate, it felt like I was going through a mini dark night of the soul.  After some intense reflection, I realized the tree was the metaphor that some things come to an end whether we like it or not.  I was saddest about my tree more than anything else but while everything was disintegrating, I had refused to acknowledge what I was seeing right in front of me for those two months which created a significant amount of personal suffering.

In November, I took a 2 month personal sabbatical and focused on my spiritual growth and on what I really wanted out of life.  I can tell you it isn’t money, material things or a renovated bathroom which was also part of my August plan. 

What I want out of life is to let go of all doubt, fears, and judgement and to embrace my heart’s desire of love with greater connection in building community. To follow my heart and to trust in the divine may seem foreign from what we learned in our educational system and society; but now I am embracing uncertainty and my higher guidance every day and noticing what my heart is showing me about my growth and what I need for myself.

It isn’t always easy.  My egoic doubts creep in and without realizing it, I can feel overwhelmed with all the things I am now doing differently.  I am embracing new opportunities, trying new things, learning new skills and sometimes it feels like too much.  Luckily my greatest strength is self-awareness and introspection.  I am also thankful that I have also gained many new tools from my certifications, and support from therapists and coaches along my journey that have helped me become hyper-aware of my feelings and emotions and to be able to process them in a much healthier way.

The main lesson I have learned for myself is that when I am in egoic thought (that monkey brain that is always triggered), I am miserable and create my own suffering, but when I can get quiet and listen to my higher-self or heart’s desire, I find love, peace and joy with a significant dose of compassion.  For me, it is knowing that we are all One; we are all going through a similar journey and the more love I can give myself, the more love and energy I can share with others.

I am also aware and often have to remind myself that it takes time to re-wire the brain to thinking differently so all those years of digging the rut with self-doubt and unworthiness, it requires conscious thought to think new thoughts so that self-assurance becomes my default over self-doubt.  This self-assurance helps to overcome the uncertainty of where I’m at and trusting it will lead me exactly where I need to be. 

I write this because I know I am not alone when it comes to dealing with uncertainty and each of us deals with it differently, but when you start noticing your pattern, you can change it.  With the coaching I received, I noticed that my pattern is when I follow my heart, I am led to opportunities I would not have thought possible and I am happier for it.

For those that made it this far in my blog, I know it’s because on some level this resonated with you.  Many people will give you a list of steps to take, which may be what you were expecting, but in reality only you know what is best for you, and a sometimes a little support is required from a coach as a thought partner that can help you access that inner guidance for yourself. Also, If your stuck in the monkey brain loop, please know that you can rewire your brain and can make the change you so desire in your life with a new mindset and plenty practice.  It takes a village and if you need coaching support, please reach out.